No One Said it Would be Easy
by Sand-wolf579
Summary: Cavendish and Dakota's future selves prevented them from getting into a fight and splitting up, but they couldn't do anything to take away the lingering feelings that caused the fight in the first place.


**A/N: The Christmas special was pretty incredible...and not at all what I was expecting. Milo Murphy's Law is pretty good at giving episodes like that, and that's why I love this show. Anyways,** _ **A Christmas Peril**_ **just got me thinking about** _ **The Island of Lost Dakota's**_ **again, and it's been awhile since I've written for Milo Murphy, so...yeah, here's the story.**

* * *

Dakota used to get nightmares on a near nightly basis. He guessed that it only made sense that he got them, after everything he had seen and done for Cavendish. He just considered himself lucky that the nightmares had become less and less terrifying and less and less frequent. Then again, maybe _lucky_ wasn't really the word that he was looking for when the only reason the nightmares had gotten better was because he had become kind of numb to seeing Cavendish die.

Sometimes though Dakota would still wake up from nightmares, and he wouldn't be able to fall asleep for the rest of the night. Some of these nightmares were just caused by his left over nerves after an especially horrific death. What was surprising and unsettling though was that some of Dakota's worst nightmares didn't happen because of one of Cavendish's death, but because of Dakota's unguarded emotions.

Dakota had gotten fairly good at keeping his emotions in check. It made him come off as a bit aloof and unfocused sometimes, he knew that it did, but he figured that it was better than the alternative, which was having a mental breakdown every single time Cavendish got out of bed in the morning.

Dakota was only human though. He got upset about things. No matter how much he hated it, he still got scared, and angry, and scared. If he ever went to sleep with any of those emotions built up inside of him, he was sure to have a nightmare. That was just the way that things happened. Dakota was used to it.

When he woke up at 3:00 on Christmas morning though, just because of some stupid nightmare that would keep him up for the rest of the night and put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day, Dakota started to consider the idea that maybe his ways of coping with this mess weren't working so much anymore...if they had even worked that well in the first place.

Dakota sighed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He couldn't really remember the details of his dream, but the details had never really been all that important. The bad thing about Dakota's nightmares was that they made him feel upset and vulnerable for the rest of the day. It sucked.

Well, it wasn't as though moping in bed was going to do him any good. He would probably just end up falling asleep again, and then he would have another nightmare, which would just make him feel even worse. So as much as Dakota didn't want to do it, he rolled over and groaned as he pushed the covers off of him. He would feel better if he just got this day started...and after he got himself a mug of hot chocolate. Nothing was better than a nice, hot cup of cocoa first thing in the morning.

Before he really woke up though Dakota had something to do. Something that would calm him down enough that he would actually be able to function. Dakota, still feeling half asleep, turned back towards the other side of the bed. He and Cavendish shared a very small apartment that only had a single bedroom that fit a single really small bed. The first few nights had been pretty awkward, but things definitely got better and now Dakota and Cavendish could both sleep 'together' as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Sure, sometimes the bed felt a little cramped, and Cavendish was always scolding Dakota for eating snacks in bed, but things turned out okay. On nights that Dakota ended up having one of his nightmares, he was actually extremely grateful for the shared bed, as it made it that much easier for him to quickly make sure that Cavendish was indeed alive and asleep. It wasn't that Dakota was _actually_ worried that something had happened to Cavendish, because not once had there ever been anything wrong with him after one of Dakota's nightmares. At this point Dakota was mostly just checking out of habit, even though he knew that it wasn't necessary. He knew that he would just find Cavendish sleeping right next to him.

...So it was all the more surprising and worrying when Dakota saw that Cavendish wasn't there.

Dakota shot out of bed, suddenly feeling wide awake. Dakota anxiously cast his eyes around the room and felt his breath catch in his throat when he didn't see his partner. _Where the heck was Cavendish?!_ Dakota knew that he shouldn't really be worried, that freaking out wasn't going to help anything, but he just couldn't help it. Dakota always got concerned whenever he didn't see Cavendish right in front of him, and in general he prefered to be within arms length of him. After the evening they had had, and Dakota's nightmare, that concern escalated to near anxiety.

Without thinking Dakota stumbled to his feet and all but tripped over himself as he tried to get out of the bedroom. The only thought running through his head was that he needed to find Cavendish. _Now!_ The very second that Dakota opened the bedroom door he could see a light shining in from the kitchen. Dakota felt like his heart stopped.

"Cavendish, you'd better be in there getting a midnight snack." Dakota muttered to himself. He moved from the little hallway into the small living room that was connected to the kitchen. Dakota kept his head low, and even though he really wanted to look towards the kitchen, he _really_ didn't want to. He made his way to the couch and leaned against it as he tried to steal up his nerves and just look towards the darned kitchen already.

"Dakota?" He let out a shuddering breath and found himself slumping over the couch as his legs gave out beneath him. He didn't think he had ever been so relieved to hear Cavendish's voice. "Are you alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine." Dakota chuckled weakly. "D-don't _do_ that to me." Dakota was beginning to think that he would have been better off staying in bed and falling back asleep. Real life was a lot harder to deal with than his dreams were.

Dakota felt a hand at his shoulder. "No, you are not fine." Cavendish scolded lightly. He put his other hand on Dakota's arm and gently lead him to the other side of the couch, and Dakota let him. He didn't entirely appreciate that Cavendish was handling him as though he was about to break or freak out. Still, it wasn't very often that Cavendish showed concern for him, and it felt a bit nice. Dakota often wished that Cavendish would be a bit more open with him. Than again, considering Cavendish only treated him like this when Dakota was feeling particularly vulnerable and actually showed his partner a bit of what he was feeling, Dakota didn't think he had much to complain about.

Dakota slumped down on the couch as Cavendish returned to the kitchen. By the smell of things, he was making himself a cup of tea. Cavendish had either tea or coffee practically every single day. Dakota just didn't think that he had ever seen him have a cup so early/late...actually, come to think of it, what _was_ Cavendish doing awake at this time?

"Hey, why aren't you asleep?" Dakota asked. He winced slightly when he hear just how much he failed at sounding nonchalant. "I know you're an early riser, but don't you think this is kinda ridiculous?"

"I couldn't sleep." Cavendish said as he returned to the couch carrying two mugs. He handed one to Dakota, who grinned broadly when he saw that Cavendish had made him hot chocolate. His partner knew him so well. "I don't suppose I need to ask you why _you're_ awake?" Dakota shook his head. Cavendish already knew about the nightmares. He didn't know the details about them, thank goodness for that, but he knew that Dakota had a tendency to get bad nightmares that left him shook up for the rest of the day.

They sat in silence for a moment before Cavendish continued. "It's been some time since you've last had a nightmare this bad."

Dakota shrugged. It had been awhile since he had been upset enough to actually have a nightmare, let alone one that left him feeling like this. Dakota didn't think that the nightmare had even been all that bad, but his emotions were still getting him all worked up because of it.

"Was…" Cavendish looked hesitant. He stared into his cup of tea and refused to meet Dakota's eye. "Did the nightmare have anything to do with what had happened earlier?"

"You mean with all our future selves trying to stop a fight over an egg roll?" Dakota tightened his hold on his mug. "Yeah, I think so." That hadn't been what the nightmare had been about, but Dakota knew that it was most likely the reason why his emotional guard had been down in the first place.

Cavendish sighed. "Honestly, that's why I couldn't sleep." Cavendish took a sip of his tea, he looked extremely bothered about something. "...I can't believe that either of us would really let an eggroll get between us."

Dakota shook his head. "I don't think it was about the egg roll." He clearly remembered how upset he had been during their fight, and very little of that emotion had been because of the egg roll, it had been because of Cavendish...and it had been emotion that he had felt multiple times in the best.

"No, I don't suppose so." Cavendish agreed quietly. The two of them sat awkwardly for a few minutes as they both tried to come up with some excuse to not talk about what they both knew had to be discussed. Neither of them could come up with anything.

Dakota frowned. "We're going to have to talk about what the fight was _actually_ about, aren't we?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we must." Cavendish didn't sound any more excited about the conversation than he was. "...I'm not entirely sure where to begin." Of course he didn't. Cavendish didn't entirely understand what all of this was about. Dakota was the only one who actually knew what was going on, which meant that the responsibility of starting this conversation fell to him.

Well, if Dakota wanted to keep his secrets from Cavendish, than he needed to have control of the conversation, which meant that he needed to be the one to get it started.

Dakota unconsciously drew in on himself. He _really_ didn't want to do this. But they both knew that if they didn't clear the air then sooner or later they would just get into another fight and nothing would change. "...You called me selfish."

Cavendish looked up from his tea, a look of complete shock on his face. "Excuse me?"

"That's what _I_ was upset about." Dakota kept his eyes glued to his hot chocolate. "I...I've done a lot of things for us, for _you_ , and you accused me of being selfish. I just…"

A guilty look flashed across Cavendish's face. "...I didn't realize that it bothers you that much." They both knew that this wasn't the first time that Cavendish had said that Dakota was selfish, and they both knew that it wouldn't be the last.

Dakota winced. "Well, I tried pretty hard to hide it from you, so I can't exactly blame you for that."

Cavendish frowned. "But _why_ have you been trying so hard to keep secrets from me? I _know_ that this isn't the only one." Actually, Dakota really was just keeping one secret from Cavendish, but it was a pretty big one, which meant that other secrets and lies just kept on piling up on top of it.

Dakota didn't say anything. He didn't want to lie to Cavendish anymore than he actually was, and he knew that whatever he said, whether it was the truth or another lie, Cavendish wouldn't believe him.

After a few moments Cavendish sighed and set his mug on the small side table next to the couch. "I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't bother me that you feel the need to hide things from me, but if you truly feel that you can't tell me then...I won't push you."

Dakota grimaced. Cavendish was just making him feel worse. "Sorry." He muttered.

"It's fine." Cavendish said, even though they both knew that it wasn't.

"...You do know that just because there are some things that I can't tell you doesn't mean that I don't trust or like you, right?" Dakota said. He didn't know for sure that that was what had really been bothering Cavendish, but he thought it was a pretty good guess. After all, Cavendish always got most upset with him whenever Dakota was at his most vulnerable, whenever he showed just how much he was hiding from his partner.

"I...know." Cavendish said unsurely. "I just seem to forget it sometimes."

"Me too." Dakota muttered. He frowned and looked up to meet Cavendish's gaze. "Are we...okay?"

"As 'okay' as we've ever been, I suppose." Cavendish said with uncertainty which didn't do a whole lot to reassure Dakota. He guessed that there wasn't a whole lot more that he could expect from the situation. There was only so much they could do to improve their relationship when Dakota continued to shoulder so many burdens by himself and Cavendish continued to let his worry turn to frustration towards his partner.

Their situation wasn't ideal, far from it, but it was manageable. They just needed to actually put in the effort to manage it. It was difficult, no doubt about that, but it was better than the alternative.

It was better than being alone.


End file.
